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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25320424">Mount Victoria</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightened/pseuds/brightened'>brightened</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:20:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,367</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25320424</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightened/pseuds/brightened</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius and Severus, across seventeen years.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black/Severus Snape</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Mount Victoria</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is canon through third year and then still mostly canon with minor changes until the end.</p><p>Heavily inspired by Brokeback Mountain so any similarities you notice there I fully attribute to Annie Proulx. I'm usually a fan of Sirius/Severus slow burn to be more realistic but I kind of took how Jack/Ennis had an inexplicable connection and transferred that to them.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Severus Snape graduated Hogwarts penniless. Service to the Dark Lord had its reward but Galleons was not one of them. </p><p>Sirius Black graduated similarly indigent, at least in practice. Uncle Alphard’s gold was his but Walburga used all of her influence to ensure he had a difficult time accessing it.</p><p>Thus, when each man spotted the advertisement for a short term, handsomely paying job, they penned owls to the would-be employer exhorting their own fine qualities. Each was hired and instructed to arrive at the potions supply shop in Diagon Alley on September 1.</p><p>Sirius arrived first and approached the dilapidated brick building with his hands in his robe pockets, wand securely in his right grip. Frequent Death Eater attacks made traveling Diagon Alley a treacherous task. Wizards moved in packs and even then only a cluster or two could be spotted, nervously eyeing their environment as they hurried to make essential purchases.</p><p>Sirius slipped inside the shop and found Paolo Berlin. He was surprisingly young, perhaps not a decade older than Sirius. He wore canary yellow robes tied with a sash around his generous middle. Each finger carried at least one thick golden ring and when he smiled he exposed several gold teeth.</p><p>“Mr. Black, I presume,” Berlin said and the door opened again. Severus entered. He moved perhaps the most confidently he’d ever had - as a Death Eater, he had little to fear among the public. The smoothness evaporated when he took in the men before him, his new boss and his childhood rival.</p><p>“And Mr. Snape,” Berlin continued. “Excellent. I require some assistance collecting a certain rare potions ingredient. You will travel to the location marked on this map and find the plant there. There is a ritual to perform on the plant each night as the moon rises. Then you must harvest on the full moon. The tricky part, and the part for which you will be paid handsomely, is that the plant is sensitive to magic and thus you will not be able to leave until after the harvest. You must also limit magic outside of the ritual - only if absolutely necessary for your survival.”</p><p>“We are collecting Yatar seeds,” Severus said knowingly and then glanced at his companion. “I am confident I could complete the job alone. Black is inept.” Sirius shifted as though to protest but Berlin answered first.</p><p>“I researched you both thoroughly, thank you, and you are both well suited to the tasks I have selected. Mr. Snape, you will complete the rituals and the harvesting, yes. Mr. Black, you will stand guard as the ritual requires full concentration and, as we all know, the world isn’t a safe place right now.” Severus couldn’t argue this without revealing too much and so he said nothing.</p><p>Sirius looked at Severus with unconcealed distaste and said, “I’m to be his bodyguard?”</p><p>“And chef and errand boy and whatever else he asks that will ensure I receive my potion ingredients.” Berlin sent a searching look first to Sirius and then to Severus. “I will be extremely displeased if you fail. The new moon is tomorrow. I’ve reserved rooms for you at the Leaky Cauldron. Stay there tonight and I’ll bring you supplies in the morning.”</p><p>At the Cauldron, Sirius and Severus sat at opposite ends of the bar. Sirius drank spiked cider while he ate a ham sandwich. Severus drank lemon water. As the hours wore on, Sirius slid his bottle down the bar and sat next to Severus.</p><p>Severus ignored his attempts at small talk so eventually Sirius launched into a tale about the time he and Remus had gone into the Forbidden Forest and discovered a tribe of acromantulas. Severus stared into his drink, feigning boredom, even as his mind ran wild with all the things he could have done with acromantula poison if he’d only known.</p><p>Eventually they retired to their rooms and in the morning Berlin met them as expected. He passed over backpacks stuffed full of shrunken supplies including, he explained, a tent charmed large enough to fit half a dozen men. Severus took the map, memorized the location, and Sirius grasped his arm to side-along.</p><p>They separated immediately upon landing in a clearing. The sky looked promising but the air held a chill. They pulled sweaters out of the bags, donning them before digging out the tent and working in silence to set it up.</p><p>Half an hour later, Sirius crawled into the tent and then scooted back out. “It’s not charmed,” he told Severus. Severus lifted the flap and stared into the small tent, barely large enough for one. “We have to go back.”</p><p>“If we Apparate again we will flood the Yatar with too much magic. Weren’t you listening?” Severus snapped. “You will sleep outside of the tent.”</p><p>“Why should I have to sleep outside?” Sirius demanded. They argued until Sirius felt himself wanting to hex Severus and he stomped off away from the clearing. He stopped when he came to a stream and splashed the chilled water on his face. He wondered if the Galleons were worth it or if he should simply return home now.</p><p>When Sirius returned, Severus had started a fire and was eating something out of a package. Sirius decided to pretend Severus didn’t exist and sat by the comforting heat without saying a word. He too dug a wrapped bar out of his pack and ate it, staring into the flames, remembering when he was a child and his mother would have Kreacher light the fireplace. She would wrap him in a thick blanket and serve hot cocoa with tiny marshmallows. </p><p>“How did you start the fire?” Sirius asked despite himself and Severus pointed at what seemed to be some rocks on the ground. It explained nothing but Sirius decided not to probe. </p><p>“It’s time,” Severus said soon after. Sirius pulled out his wand and followed as Severus moved quietly through the forest. It was pitch black without moonlight and still Severus saw things - animal prints, nature’s clues, forest patterns. He found his way to the Yatar, a plant that shimmered despite the lack of light. “Don’t interfere,” he told Black and knelt before the plant.</p><p>He’d never performed the ritual before but he’d read of it and he’d practiced it the night before in the hours he’d spent in his room at the Leaky Cauldron. The wandwork was simple and the incantations easy enough even with his rudimentary grasp of Latin. When he finished, the Yatar plant sprouted a single purple bud.</p><p>“All done?” Sirius asked and Severus sent him a withering glare.</p><p>“That was only the first one,” he answered and spread his arm to indicate the field of Yatars, all glimmering, all needing the ritual.</p><p>Severus worked through the night, charming as many Yatar as he could. By the time the darkness gave way to sunrise, at least four dozen purple buds spread out across the forest.</p><p>“Can we sleep now?” Sirius asked as Severus climbed to his feet, knees protesting.</p><p>“If you can manage on the ground,” Severus said, striding quickly back to camp. Sirius kept step easily and they reached the tent as one. </p><p>“I’m the muscle, I need the sleep,” Sirius said, shoving Severus away from the opening. Severus drew his wand, thought of his night’s hard work, and put it away.</p><p>“We can alternate,” Severus growled grudgingly. “You can have it tomorrow.”</p><p>“Fine,” Sirius said and glowered at Severus as he slipped inside the tent.</p><p>They slept the morning away. Sirius woke first and in no small amount of pain. He ate from his pack and complained under his breath until Severus woke.</p><p>They spent the next several days in a fragile truce. They didn’t argue - they didn’t speak to each other. The fifth night, the forest’s chill descended into a freeze, and though they bundled in all the sweaters they had, they eventually cast one warming spell each, as far away from the Yatar as they could comfortably walk within an hour.</p><p>That cold morning after the ritual was Sirius’s time in the tent. He woke to Severus’s sounds of suffering, teeth chattering, breath coming in gasps. Half asleep, Sirius stuck his head out of the tent.</p><p>“Get in here,” he snapped. “I can’t sleep with your noise.” </p><p>It was a sign of how cold he was that Severus held his tongue and slid into the tent without arguing.</p><p>They lay next to each other but in practice on top of each other, forced into each other’s space by the small quarters. It was warm, warmer than Sirius had been in days, but he was suddenly unable to sleep now with Severus so close.</p><p>He wondered for the first time if Severus had the mark, if he was really a Death Eater after all. They’d all said it at school, James and Remus and Peter and he, but it was hard to imagine this warm body next to him as a creature of pure evil.</p><p>Eventually Sirius dozed back asleep and then woke again. Severus had rolled over in his sleep and his back pressed firmly against Sirius’s chest. Sirius, half asleep, slid a hand over Severus’s hip and palmed his cock.</p><p>Severus woke nearly instantly and rolled over, elbowing Sirius in the face. “What are you doing?” Severus hissed, eyes wild, and Sirius, more awake, had no answer.</p><p>Instead of speaking he grabbed Severus by the shoulders and pulled him in, kissing him even as Severus struggled against it. The kiss hurt, their lips and teeth clashed, and then Severus bit hard enough to draw blood. Sirius pulled back and slid a tongue across his lip, tasting metal.</p><p> “Ouch,” Sirius said and Severus pushed forward this time. He thrust his hand down the front of Sirius’s pants and jerked his cock, biting into Sirius’s neck. Sirius whined in pain and pleasure all at once. </p><p>Severus pushed Sirius’s pants down and then pulled his body up and over, still pulling Sirius’s cock, and positioned his own erection against Sirius.</p><p>“We don’t have anything,” Sirius said, who had been fucked before and knew how these things should work.</p><p>“Should’ve thought of that,” Severus said and took his hand from Sirius to hold himself and try to push into Sirius. It didn’t work - Sirius was too tight. They winced and groaned through several attempts and then Sirius flipped back over and slid down to suck Severus off. He tasted sour from their days without baths or cleansing charms.</p><p>Severus came in Sirius’s mouth, hand threaded in Sirius’s hair, and as soon as his cock finished spasming he pulled away and rolled out of the tent. By the time Sirius wiggled his way out, Severus was gone.</p><p>Sirius stayed at the tent as the day passed. Eventually he fell back asleep and woke in the dead of night. Severus had not returned but he would not risk the job. Sirius knew he was doing the ritual by himself and Sirius also knew he had no idea how to find the Yatar field by himself. He spent a long time trying to start a fire with the rocks and then he gave up and scratched doodles in the dirt with a stick.</p><p>Severus returned in the morning and Sirius jumped to his feet.</p><p>“Where were you?” Sirius asked and Severus ignored him. He ignored him for the next several days, although he did not venture off on his own again. Sirius tried every tactic to get Severus to speak - aggravation, flirtation, threat of violence. Severus stayed silent and stony and slept on the ground without complaint.</p><p>The morning before the full moon, Severus came back to the tent. He held some kind of plant and when he ripped the leaf open, gel oozed out. He used it to slick up Sirius and himself and this time he slid in, still painfully tight, forcing each inch while Sirius bit the sleeping bag. He came again and Sirius still did not.</p><p>In the morning they ate in the clearing together. Sirius babbled on about a time his father had arranged a fancy dinner party and Sirius showed up in his dressing gown.</p><p>That night they travelled to the Yatar field, now flush with glittering purple flowers. They each used a pair of scissors from the packs to carefully excise the flower - Severus showed Sirius how. They pulled the seeds out of each bloom and stored them in vials made of silver.</p><p>By the end they filled ten vials and when Severus told Sirius how much each vial was worth, Sirius whistled.</p><p>“Maybe we should keep these ourselves,” he said.</p><p>“And where are you going to find a buyer?” Severus asked which put an end to the idea altogether.</p><p>They both knew they could have Apparated back to Diagon Alley that night. Instead they squeezed back into the tent. When Severus saw how raw Sirius was, he took Sirius’s cock in his hand and stroked him until he came. He kissed Sirius in his post-orgasm haze.</p><p>“What are we doing?” Sirius asked into Severus’s shoulder. “We hate each other.”</p><p>“I hate you,” Severus said. “I think you have a crush.”</p><p>They napped for a few hours and then rolled the tent up. The clearing held remnants of their two weeks - the ash from their fires, scraps of packages from food, the ripped up gel leaf.</p><p>“Where are we, anyway?” Sirius asked as he grabbed Severus’s arm. He realized as his hand curled that he didn’t need to be Side-alonged but he didn’t let go.</p><p>“We’re on Mount Victoria, in Myanmar,” Severus said, which meant nothing to Sirius, and then Severus pulled them both back home.</p><p>Berlin was more than pleased with their collection amount. He shook their hands enthusiastically and added an extra ten Galleons to each purse. Severus tucked the money into his robe and then stepped out onto the street, aware of Sirius next to him and not sure how to address him.</p><p>“Thanks for the assistance,” he said eventually and Sirius scrunched up his nose. Severus had always found him infuriatingly handsome, since their school days. He’d been equally insufferable and pompous so nothing more had ever developed. Looking at him now, Severus remembered his lip bleeding, the way Sirius had tasted his own blood and been undisturbed. There was something dark in Sirius Black and Severus felt the impossible urge to unearth it. More than that, he wanted to feel his cock again.</p><p>“I’ll owl you?” Sirius said uncertainly and Severus shook his head.</p><p>“Don’t bother.” He strode away and left Sirius alone on the cobblestone path. The bag of Galleons clinked in his pocket and he made sure to deposit them in his safe when he returned to his flat. The Mark had not burned during his time away and that had been luck. He was overdue for a call. Still, the call did not come for a few days more, days that Severus mostly spent reliving his time in the tent, wondering if it had really happened and why he wanted so badly for it to happen again.</p><p>Eventually the Dark Lord called and Severus answered. He fell at his feet as was custom, praised him and basked in the unrelenting power of his presence. They talked of the fear they were sowing, the success they’d been having. They spoke of Dumbledore’s pathetic resistance and toasted his death. They planned an attack on a Muggle village for Halloween day.</p><p>Severus left the meeting buzzed on wine and power and potential. </p><p>In Diagon Alley, Sirius watched Severus walk away and felt that he should call after him. He kept reminding himself that he’d likely fucked a Death Eater and even if not, it was Snivellus. </p><p>Sirius went to James’s wedding the next week and while he laughed, toasted, and drank, underneath it all he burned in the shame of what he’d done. If James found out, if any of his friends found out, if anyone in the Order found out…</p><p>It didn’t bear thinking about. No one would know.</p><p>Sirius met a wizard at the wedding, Reginald, a distant cousin of James. He wore his curly black hair cropped short and his dark brown eyes shone when he smiled, which he did easily and often. He kissed Sirius during the first dance and they snuck away during the cake cutting. Reginald rutted inside him in the Potters’ bathroom. He kissed Sirius’s neck and played with his hair and when they said goodbye, he promised to owl.</p><p>He did owl and they went on one date, then another. By the end of the year James and Lily announced their pregnancy and Reginald moved into Sirius’s flat. Sirius worked at a Muggle pub as a bartender because the tips and the drinks were better. Reginald worked in finance for those wizards distrustful of big banks like Gringotts. He sometimes spoke with Sirius about what he did and Sirius mostly failed to understand any of it.</p><p>Around them people continued to be murdered, magical and Muggle alike. The Order of the Phoenix meetings became morose. You-Know-Who was winning in every way and the avenues of attack seemed limited and futile. Even Albus Dumbledore withdrew, appearing at every meeting but speaking very little.</p><p>Reginald and Sirius threw caution to the wind, knowing the odds of an attack, and went on their first public date the summer after they’d met. They went to a restaurant in Hogsmeade and as they ate a party entered, dressed in identical black robes, wearing identical pinched expressions. Severus Snape was among them.</p><p>He noticed Sirius only after he’d been seated and he looked from him to Reginald and back again impassively. Sirius watched him and fidgeted and couldn’t focus on a thing Reginald said. Severus went to the bathroom and Sirius excused himself as well.</p><p>They went into the same stall and Severus cast a privacy spell. “On a date?” he asked and some part of Sirius felt guilty.</p><p>“We live together,” he blurted out. “His name’s Reginald.”</p><p>“Give Reginald my regards,” Severus said and then he turned Sirius around and pushed him into the stall wall, yanking his robes away with furious precision. This time they were unlimited with magic and Severus prepared him with two quick spells. He thrust in and reached around to stroke Sirius at the same time.</p><p>“I missed this,” Sirius mumbled into the wall and it made no sense. Reginald was loving, considerate, devoted, and definitely not evil. Yet Sirius felt a pleasure building in him that he hadn’t felt since September and it wasn’t purely physical.</p><p>After, he grabbed Severus’s shoulders and kissed him and felt a painful twist when Severus kissed back without complaining.</p><p>“You’re here with Death Eaters,” Sirius said, spoiling the moment, and Severus pulled away. He slipped out of the bathroom and Sirius cleaned himself up before going back to his boyfriend.</p><p>He broke up with Reginald a week later. It was painful and messy and made no sense. Sirius kept replaying Severus walking into the restaurant, pale skin rustling under those Death Eater robes. They were bold to wear them without the masks. They knew they were winning.</p><p>When the Prophet reported that Death Eaters had killed twelve more Muggles, Sirius told himself it was Severus and tried to hate him for it. The hate used to be easy.</p><p>Severus, spying for his Lord, overheard a prophecy one cold winter night, and he knew it meant Lily’s baby, his once-friend that had long since abandoned him. He still pled for her life because she had been important, once, and he saw in his mind Sirius’s face if Potter died.</p><p>When the Dark Lord refused mercy, Severus ran to Albus Dumbledore, a coward and a broken loser, and he cried and spun a tale and thought again of Sirius Black.</p><p>Potter did die and Lily too and somehow, impossibly, the Dark Lord as well. Yet the baby survived. Severus heard the news again and again and each time it became harder to believe. Then the worst of it all: two days after Halloween, the Prophet filled with stories of Sirius Black’s betrayal and arrest.</p><p>It was inconceivable. Severus told Albus that Sirius was not a Death Eater. He offered memories and Veritaserum. The minister refused it all and jailed Sirius without a trial. </p><p>Severus picked up the pieces of his life for a time. He moved into a new flat and started working for Berlin as a shop assistant. Berlin offered him a new assignment on Mount Victoria and Severus refused.</p><p>Eventually he went to see Sirius. He stood on a floor made of packed dirt and looked at Sirius through thick iron bars.</p><p>“Come to gloat?” Sirius spat at him. It had been two months and he looked deranged. His hair grew in tatters, his eyes wild, his cheeks sunken. Only two months and he was no longer handsome. “The Death Eater walks free and I’m chucked in here.”</p><p>“I told them you’re innocent,” Severus said and Sirius howled with laughter.</p><p>“Innocent!” he shrieked and apparently could speak no more.</p><p>Each man said nothing and simply looked at the other as minutes ticked by. Then Sirius sidled up to the bars, wrapped his fingers around them, and whispered, “Why did you come?”</p><p>“I wanted to see you,” Severus said honestly.</p><p>“Well you’ve seen me,” Sirius said and pushed off the bars, away from Severus. “Now fuck off and don’t ever see me again.” He curled up in the corner of the cell, forehead pressed to his knees, and Severus had nothing to say. He left.</p><p>The first few years in Azkaban became a black pit in Sirius’s memory. Eventually, he was thankful for that. He learned that being Padfoot brought him some semblance of peace, though never contentment. He learned the wizard guards would occasionally slip him a book to read if he was quiet and obedient. He learned that time truly was a human invention and held no meaning in his dark, despairing cell.</p><p>He learned he could not keep Severus Snape out of his head no matter how hard he tried. Sometimes that was what drove him mad more than anything. James was dead, Peter was a traitor, Harry was being raised by Muggles, Sirius was fated to die in jail - and yet he thought of Severus and the nights in the tent. It wasn’t happy memories and so the dementors couldn’t take them from him. Often he wished they could.</p><p>Severus spent a decade building a new life and a new role. He taught morons and entertained Albus’s theories about the Dark Lord’s eventual return and otherwise secluded himself. Once a summer, he would find a woman to fuck. He was never terribly attracted to them and he never particularly satisfied them. It scratched the itch and he moved on.</p><p>Then Harry Potter showed up and spun his world on its head. Strange happenings began and at the end of the year Albus confirmed the Dark Lord was back - weak, dependent, but back. He and Albus wove the tale he would later spin to the Dark Lord - why he’d taken up teaching and why he’d thwarted Quirrel at every move.</p><p>Severus wondered if he had months or years of freedom left. He wondered if he’d ever really been free or if he’d only been in the care of a different master the entire time.</p><p>It was well after time ceased to matter when Sirius coaxed a copy of the Prophet from Minister Fudge. He’d only wanted a crossword, a funny comic strip, something to pass a few minutes, but then he’d seen the picture. The bastard rat sitting on a redhead’s shoulder, a student at Hogwarts. The plan was hatched.</p><p>Sirius escaped as Padfoot. He’d long since given up attempting rational thought and so, though his focus was Pettigrew, he stole a wand and an owl and travelled to Mount Victoria. There he wrote to Severus and awaited a response. It took two weeks for Severus to find him - an oddly poetic amount of time.</p><p>They looked at each other in the woods. Sirius had chopped his hair with severing spells and hadn’t bothered with a shave. He was underweight and his eyes spoke of madness. Severus meanwhile pulled a respectable figure. He wore fine robes tailored to his slim figure. His black hair laid slicked back in a low ponytail and his pale skin looked healthy rather than malnourished.</p><p>“Fate’s a bitch,” Sirius said and Severus said nothing. Sirius fell upon him then, pulling their clothes off with rough movements. They were naked and Severus took in Sirius’s bony form with critical eyes. “Fuck me,” Sirius begged.</p><p>Severus fucked him in the dirt, not far from where they’d once collected Yatar seeds. Sirius had been handsome then and now he was not. Severus had never been handsome and he somehow felt better about it now.</p><p>When they finished and laid naked, Sirius pressed his hands to his eyes. Severus still saw the tears streaming out from beneath his palms.</p><p>“What are we going to do?” Severus murmured, mostly to himself.</p><p>“I’m going to kill Pettigrew,” Sirius said and lowered his hands. His voice was fierce despite the tears.</p><p>“How will that prove your innocence?” Severus asked and Sirius chuckled.</p><p>“You think I give a fuck about that?” Sirius shook his head. “My life is over either way. Might as well take Pettigrew out with me.”</p><p>“Let me help,” Severus said.</p><p>“That’s not why I wrote you,” Sirius said. “I don’t need help.”</p><p>“You’re the most wanted wizard trying to break into the best protected location,” Severus pointed out.</p><p>“I’ll figure it out,” Sirius said stubbornly and began to dress. Severus hastened to follow suit.</p><p>“You can’t succeed without me,” Severus tried. Sirius growled.</p><p>“Watch me,” he said and spun away, disappearing into the forest.</p><p>Severus spent the school year in constant trepidation of Sirius’s fate. Every morning he opened the Prophet expecting to read Sirius had been killed. Seeing Remus Lupin each day did nothing to help refocus his thoughts. </p><p>One night, Severus brought a bottle of wine to Remus’s quarters. If Remus was surprised, he didn’t show it.</p><p>They shared the bottle between them and eventually Severus said, “You know Black didn’t do it.”</p><p>“Did you come here to talk about that?” Remus asked and then kissed Severus, clumsily. Severus felt ill even though this had been exactly his intention when he’d departed his room with the wine. He fucked Remus anyway. Remus was frail and battered with scratches and bruises and he still didn’t look as poorly as Sirius had fresh out of Azkaban.</p><p>They fucked one more time after that and then Sirius slashed his way into Gryffindor tower. Remus fell apart. He wanted to wring his hands and worry about Harry Potter. Severus worried about Sirius, if only in his head, and had no patience for fretting about the Golden Boy. He didn’t visit Remus’s quarters again and Remus didn’t ask him to.</p><p>Albus Dumbledore summoned him one evening and when Severus sat down across from him he said, “You claimed Sirius Black was innocent.”</p><p>“He is,” Severus said.</p><p>“Then why is he attempting to kill Harry?”</p><p>“He’s not,” Severus said, though he had no proof to give when Albus asked for it. </p><p>Severus went to Hogsmeade in January, bundled in coats and a scarf, and was incessantly barked at by a large black dog. Then the dog pulled the scarf off and ran away with it. Severus contemplated following but ultimately didn’t feel like killing it and so he only continued on his business.</p><p>It was May when Severus brought a goblet of Wolfsbane to Remus’s empty office. He placed the smoking potion down on the desk’s wooden surface and peered at the parchment. A dot labeled Remus Lupin moved quickly across the grounds, to the base of the Whomping Willow, and then it disappeared.</p><p>Severus followed Remus, remembering what James Potter had told him at school - touch the knot and the tree will still. It was still frozen when he approached, the Potter Invisibility Cloak in a pile at the base. Severus drew it on and slipped into the passage to the Shrieking Shack.</p><p>He found Remus and Sirius with the three Gryffindor students, listened to their arguments and explanations. When the rat disappeared and Peter stood in his place, Harry began to speak about not killing the bastard. Severus drew off the cloak.</p><p>“Snape!” Peter gasped, spotting him first, and Sirius and Remus turned as well. Severus took in the sight of Sirius. He looked as bad as he had the day they’d met in Mount Victoria and still Severus could spend hours staring, drinking in his features, so close after twelve years apart.</p><p>“Snape?” Remus asked, warily. “Why are you here?”</p><p>“To ensure what needs to be done is done,” Severus said and pointed his wand at Peter.</p><p>“Harry said no,” Remus said.</p><p>“Wonderfully, I don’t listen to children,” Severus said and was nearly knocked off balance when Sirius staggered over and seized the front of his robes.</p><p>“You don’t want to go to Azkaban,” he said, eyes wild. “Don’t kill him.” Severus looked at Sirius and lowered his wand. </p><p>In an instant, Peter was a rat once more. Ron Weasley dove for him, Remus fired off a stunning spell that missed, and the rodent disappeared into the tunnel. Sirius stood, still holding Severus’s robes.</p><p>“You should have let me kill him,” Severus said. Sirius released him and ran down the tunnel, Remus and the students close behind. Severus rubbed his forearm and had the foreboding premonition that Peter Pettigrew’s escape would mean something dreadful for the rest of the world.</p><p>When Severus emerged, the five were out of sight and so he went to Albus Dumbledore.</p><p>Sirius, as Padfoot, chased the werewolf away from the students and kept running, through the forest and back to Hogsmeade and the little cave he’d hidden out in. He transformed back to his human body and laid on the stone floor, panting. Pettigrew had slipped his grasp and likely was now gone forever. His proof of innocence and chance of freedom had scurried away.</p><p>Sirius reached into his small pile of belongings and pulled out the scarf he’d snatched from Severus. He’d been trying to get him to follow but the man had been stubborn. Sirius had kept the scarf and now he wrapped it around his hand and brought it to his face. After months in the cave, it smelled only of dirt, but it still felt soft against his cheek.</p><p>Sirius laid in the cave and contemplated his next move until sleep took him. The next morning, he crept into a nearby cottage and used their parchment and owl to send a note. </p><p>Severus arrived an hour later. He looked around the filthy conditions with a curled lip but said only, “I spoke to Albus. He wants to arrange somewhere safe for you to stay.”</p><p>“I’ve managed this long,” Sirius said and moved as though to kiss him. Severus held up a hand and stopped him.</p><p>“I slept with Lupin,” he said and Sirius recoiled.</p><p>“Why the fuck did you do that?” he asked and looked as demented as he had when facing Pettigrew in the shack.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Severus said coolly. Sirius launched at him, trying to land a punch, and Severus knocked him away easily with a spell. </p><p>He jumped to his feet and howled, “Leave me alone then! Forget I wrote you. Forget everything.”</p><p>“I can’t,” Severus said and the calmness cracked. He took a step closer, hands trembling, and Sirius glared at him but didn’t move. “I tried, can’t you see that’s why? You are in my mind all the time. I wanted to do something, anything to forget you and I can’t. You’ve taken over me, Sirius Black.”</p><p>“You have a horrible way of showing it,” Sirius said sourly and crossed his arms. “Was he any good?”</p><p>“No,” Severus said honestly and was close enough now that he reached and pulled Sirius to him. He crushed their bodies together and kissed him. He tasted foul, of dirt and blood and unbrushed teeth. “Listen to Albus’s plan. I need to be able to see you more than once a year.”</p><p>“I don’t want to see you anymore,” Sirius said though he had melted into Severus’s embrace, kissed back furiously, and stood leaned against Severus’s chest.</p><p>“You need me as much as I need you,” Severus said.</p><p>“I wish I didn’t,” Sirius mumbled into his neck.</p><p>They stood there a long while, two men who had received seldom affection in their life enjoying a simple hug. Sirius pulled away first, leaned back and looked into Severus’s eyes and said, “If you fuck anyone else, I’ll kill you.” He spoke calmly, a man with nothing left to lose.</p><p>“Stay at Albus’s safe house and you’ll be the only one,” Severus said. It was a promise and a threat at once.</p><p>Severus escorted Padfoot into the school and up to the headmaster’s office where they ironed out details - Albus owned a small bungalow on a Muggle South American beach and Sirius would stay there. </p><p>Albus escorted Sirius to the bungalow. It stood yards from the ocean, resting atop white sand, decorated sparsely with a bed and wooden dining set. Albus instructed him to stay in the village and used a translation spell that would allow him to speak with the locals.</p><p>When Albus left, Sirius changed into Muggle clothes - khaki shorts and a loose button down tee. He wandered the village and found a barber who cut his hair and shaved his face. He used some of the Muggle money Albus had left him to purchase a few groceries. Then he put them away in the bungalow and stretched out on the sand. The sun beat down on his skin for the first time in thirteen years and he felt a foreign sensation inside him - peace.</p><p>Each day that Sirius was at the bungalow, he felt better. He purchased a few books and puzzles to pass the time. He wandered among the locals, making conversation and delighting in the way none of them looked at him with suspicion or fear. Harry sent him letters and he wrote back.</p><p>He met a Muggle man with silver hair and toned legs. He danced with Sirius on the street while a woman sat and played drums. Then he took Sirius behind a building, away from view, and kissed him. As their lips met he thrust his hand inside Sirius’s shorts. Sirius thought of Severus fucking Remus and so he let the man fall to his knees. It was his revenge, achieved once, and from then on never again. When Sirius saw the silver haired man again, he winked but made no move to get his attention a second time.</p><p>Sirius grew tan and filled out his frame so he was slim rather than bony. The barber kept his hair well-groomed. When Severus showed up at the door in July, Sirius knew he looked good. Severus knew it too and as soon as he entered the bungalow he fell upon Sirius, kissing him hungrily, touching his body and then his cock.</p><p>“On the bed,” Sirius said and there they went.</p><p>Later, Sirius curled into Severus, their bodies sticky from sweat brought by the humid heat. “You could come stay here with me,” Sirius said. “Forget Hogwarts and Dumbledore and all the rest. We could be happy here. The people are nice. A bit narrow minded but I could tell them you’re my brother.”</p><p>“No,” Severus said. “I’ve been on my path since I took the Dark Mark. It’s too late to step off now.”</p><p>“How is it too late?” Sirius asked. Severus shook his head and left it at that.</p><p>Severus stayed, day after day. It was the longest time they’d had since Mount Victoria and Sirius both delighted in it and dreaded it, knowing it would end. End it did - after three weeks of lounging on the beach, sharing books, trying new fruit, and fucking, Severus kissed Sirius and said he had to go.</p><p>“Do you ever wonder when we stopped hating each other?” Sirius asked Severus as he stood on the front porch, poised to Disapparate.</p><p>“No,” Severus said. “I wonder when I stopped being able to live without you.” He left. Sirius stayed outside and looked at the spot where he’d been for a long time.</p><p>When Harry owled about the Triwizard Tournament, Sirius considered going back to Hogsmeade. But he thought of the cave he’d been living in, the rats and cats he’d fed off to survive. He looked around his bungalow and thought of when Severus had been in it too. He didn’t want to leave the comfort or the memories. So he stayed and sent advice from afar when he could and wished there was a better way he could stay in touch with his world.</p><p>When Harry Potter and Cedric Diggory disappeared and Severus was called to the cemetery, he did not immediately answer. He told Albus, clutching his arm as it burned and writhed for the first time in fourteen years. Albus sent him, eventually, and Severus nearly died for the wait but when he explained, his explanation satisfied, and thus began his second life as a spy.</p><p>“He tried to kill me,” Peter complained, pointing with a silver finger, and Severus felt the urge to try again. </p><p>“I’ve never been fond of rats,” he said.</p><p>“Peter is a loyal servant,” the Dark Lord purred, running a hand down Peter’s arm. Peter looked revolted and terrified. “He restored me. You will respect him. And we will rectify the mistake made here tonight. I will find, and kill, Harry Potter.”</p><p>There were no speeches on blood purity. The Dark Lord held none of the seductive energy that had drawn Severus to him as a youth. There was no plan for a grand new society. This reincarnated Lord wanted destruction and chaos and had no goals beyond it. Severus looked into the eyes peering out from the masks of his fellow Death Eaters and knew it was fear that kept them all there, not devotion nor servitude.</p><p>Severus found himself split in three directions - Albus and the Order, the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters, and Sirius. Every time he visited Sirius that summer and Sirius tried to persuade him to stay, his resolve weakened. Why couldn’t they? Who would find them? It didn’t have to be Albus’s bungalow - they could find somewhere else to start over. Severus could chop off his left arm; it had been done before. Then they would be free, just the two of them, fucking and reading and talking and ignorant of the evils about to occur in the United Kingdom.</p><p>Severus couldn’t do and he suspected Sirius couldn’t either, not really.</p><p>In late July, Albus showed up. Severus and Sirius were sleeping, naked, limbs tangled around each other. Albus woke them with a small cough and Sirius rolled out of bed in his shock.</p><p>“If I’d had the time, I would have warned you,” Albus said, blue eyes sweeping between them, something dark and unhappy in his gaze. “But I have an urgent need, Sirius. How would you feel about coming back, helping the war, seeing Harry?” </p><p>The next day, Sirius left the sunny beach he’d grown to love and holed up inside his detested childhood home. He went from solitude to being constantly surrounded - wizards popped in and out of the home with little warning. Severus was among them, sweeping the halls menacingly and tossing biting comments at anyone that dared speak to him.</p><p>“You know,” Sirius tried, one night that Severus managed to sneak into his bed, “you make it hard for everyone to believe you’re on our side. You could try being nicer.”</p><p>“I am who I am,” Severus said and they didn’t speak of it again.</p><p>When Severus began teaching Harry Occlumency lessons, he was very careful to remove all memories of Sirius from his head. Albus knowing was bad enough. He didn’t need the Brat Who Lived to know as well.</p><p>So when he returned to his office from dealing with Montague and found Harry face-deep in his Pensieve, he strongly considered strangling the boy. He dove into the memory. He watched Harry watch the two of them on Mount Victoria, the morning of their failed attempt at fucking in the tent. They were mostly hidden from view but the sounds were unmistakable.</p><p>“Having fun?” Severus hissed and Harry startled so hard he fell to the ground, cheeks flaming red. Severus jerked him up and out of the Pensieve, back to his stone office where they faced each other, Harry abashed and Severus thin-lipped and shaking with rage.</p><p>“I didn’t - Sirius never said-” Harry stumbled over his words and Severus had a feeling Sirius would be very angry if his godson was hexed and so he only put up a hand to silence him, though his fingers itched for his wand.</p><p>“What compelled you to stick your nose into my private memories?” Severus asked.</p><p>“No one tells me anything, I was hoping-”</p><p>“So it was immaturity and selfish curiosity? I’m unsurprised, Potter.” Harry only blinked and Severus strode to the door, pulling it open so that it banged into the stone wall behind it. “Out. Now.”</p><p>Harry practically ran through the door and as Severus slammed it shut behind him, he contemplated his options. In the end, he did nothing, and figured Sirius could handle his godson on his own.</p><p>When Harry showed up for their next lesson, neither spoke of what had happened, and soon Severus could almost pretend it hadn’t.</p><p>Until the next time he snuck away to Grimmauld Place, slipped into Sirius’s bed, and Sirius rolled over to say, “Harry saw us fucking, huh?”</p><p>“You really wish to talk about your godson right now?” Severus asked as he grasped Sirius’s cock. For the moment they both let the subject drop.</p><p>“He didn’t tell his friends,” Sirius mumbled into Severus’s shoulder afterwards.</p><p>“Small miracles,” Severus said. “Now go to sleep.” He waited for Sirius to begin snoring softly then dressed and flooed back to his quarters.</p><p>Severus was teaching a class of second years when Harry burst through the door, eyes wild. All heads rotated to watch him sprint up to Severus’s desk.</p><p>“I’m in the middle of a class,” Severus hissed, “and shouldn’t you be completing your OWLs?”</p><p>“Voldemort’s got Sirius,” Harry said in a voice so low Severus barely caught the words. His insides froze, his face turned wooden, and he dismissed the class with a sharp bark. Once the room had emptied, he whirled on Harry, demanding an explanation.</p><p>Harry described the vision and Severus shook his head.</p><p>“There’s no way he has Sirius,” Severus said. “Sirius would never have left Grimmauld Place.”</p><p>“Of course he would,” Harry yelled. “He hates it there!” Harry knuckled his scar and shook his head. “I saw it, sir.”</p><p>“Come with me,” Severus said and swept down to his quarters, Harry trailing behind. He pointed at a red armchair and commanded Harry to sit and not get up until he returned. Then he tossed floo powder into his fireplace and travelled to Grimmauld Place.</p><p>He found Sirius, stretched out across the parlor floor, polishing silver and singing off-key. When he spotted Severus he leapt to his feet, delighted.</p><p>“What brings you here?” he asked.</p><p>“The Dark Lord has figured out his connection to Potter’s mind,” he explained, already moving back to the fireplace. “He thought you were being held captive. I will go inform him you are safe and sound.” Severus paused at the fireplace and turned around. “Don’t leave the house today.”</p><p>“Haven’t left in nearly a year, why start now?” Sirius asked dully. He went back to polishing, this time without the song.</p><p>Severus flooed back to his quarters and watched Harry sag in relief at the confirmation his godfather was fine. Severus felt the same relief, though he hid it and shooed Harry from his quarters.</p><p>Severus returned to Grimmauld Place that night and found Sirius drinking with Remus in the kitchen. They didn’t notice him standing in the doorway, their backs to him, voices loud and slightly slurred. He wanted to pull Sirius out of the kitchen, strip his robes off, kiss him everywhere, hold him, and tell him all the things he’d never said. Instead Severus slipped away and returned to his own bed, alone.</p><p>The next time Severus felt the burning call of the Mark, he answered. He Apparated into the depths of the Ministry to find a circle of Death Eaters surrounding a battered, beaten, bound, and gagged Sirius. Severus’s face was hidden behind his Death Eater mask and he was thankful. It took him minutes to erase the shock and pain from his features.</p><p>“Harry Potter saw through my ruse,” the Dark Lord told his servants. “It required a little more effort but now it’s a ruse no longer. Harry will not allow his beloved godfather to suffer, not when all he has to do is come and fetch my prophecy.” The Dark Lord smiled when added, “Of course they will both die, in the end.”</p><p>“I would be more than happy to dispose of this filth,” Bellatrix said as she kicked Sirius in the ribs, voice recognizable behind the mask.</p><p>Severus stood in his place and said nothing. His mind whirred desperately seeking a solution but what could be done?</p><p>He could have stayed with Sirius in his home the night before. Better, he could have stayed on the beach. </p><p>It was not long before the doors burst open and Harry skidded through them, accompanied by a gaggle of children. Severus was sure he was about to witness them all die.</p><p>The Dark Lord taunted Harry, spells were cast, and still Severus had eyes only for Sirius.</p><p>The Order of the Phoenix burst through the door. Severus’s hopes welled with each capable adult that streamed the door. Severus let chaos set in before he fell to his knees beside Sirius and quickly freed him.</p><p>“Can you walk?” Severus asked.</p><p>“I’ll have to,” Sirius ground out and struggled to his feet, wincing as he went.</p><p>“Here,” Severus said and cast a few healing spells on Sirius. “I have to go.” He swept away from Sirius and joined his masked brothers, playing his part with a knot of anxiety in his gut. Sirius did not leave, of course, merely jumped into the fray, casting curses as though he hadn’t been immobile just moments before.</p><p>Severus deflected a killing curse off Nymphadora Tonks and then stunned Kingsley Shacklebolt. Things were happening too quickly. Harry took off up the stairs. The fighting followed and soon Severus was left alone in the room, save Sirius where he lay on the stone floor.</p><p>Severus moved over and cast enervate to no response. He cast it again, then healing spells, then he knelt and began shaking Sirius’s body. Severus removed his mask and stared down at Sirius’s still face and wide eyes.</p><p>He was dead and Severus hadn’t even seen it happen.</p><p>Severus heaved Sirius into his arms. He walked out of the Department of Mysteries and out to the lobby where people milled about, confused, murmuring in hushed tones. The Dark Lord and the Death Eaters were nowhere to be seen. Albus held Harry at arms length by the shoulder and spoke to him quietly. They both turned as he approached.</p><p>“Bellatrix did it,” Harry spat, full of fury and pain.</p><p>“I’m going to bury him,” Severus said and kept walking.</p><p>He brought Sirius’s body to Mount Victoria, to the field of Yatar, shimmering and bloomless without anyone having completed the ritual. He buried Sirius under the flowers and marked the spot with a Transfigured headstone before warding the spot against any kind of disturbance.</p><p>Then Severus laid down next to the fresh grave and tried to hug the earth, tried to feel any comfort from it like he would from Sirius’s arms. The earth was cold and disappointing and Severus wept into the dirt.</p><p>After that, Severus went to Grimmauld Place and searched Sirius’s room. He took all the personal effects he could find - photos, boyhood letters, magazines, Quidditch badges. In Sirius’s closet he found a scarf that he recognized as his own - the one stolen by the dog in Hogsmeade years ago. </p><p>Severus returned to Hogwarts and placed all of Sirius’s things in a basket which he protected with several charms before sliding under his bed. He showered and washed off the dirt of Mount Victoria and the sweat of battle. He laid in bed and didn’t sleep, picturing Sirius’s wide, unseeing eyes.</p><p>Severus did not leave his room and he ignored when Albus and Remus came knocking. It wasn’t long before the Dark Lord called and he ignored that as well. The call faded for a day and then came back stronger and still Severus left it unanswered. This time the burn did not fade and the agony rose each hour.</p><p>Eventually he could bare it no longer. Severus withdrew his wand and cast a severing spell below the elbow. He cauterized the wound with conjured fire and Vanished the severed arm bearing the ugly black skull. He cleaned up the blood and then packed a small bag of personal belongings, including the box full of Sirius’s things.</p><p>Severus left the castle without speaking to anyone and Apparated to the beach bungalow. He knew it was Albus’s so Albus would find him eventually but he had nowhere else to go. He laid on the sand and remembered a time he’d done the same with Sirius. Not often enough.</p><p>Severus sat on the bed, held the scarf in his one hand and imagined Sirius holding it too. “I should have stepped off the path sooner,” he told the scarf, and Sirius if he was somewhere listening.</p>
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